naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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