There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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