Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
