So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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