She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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