something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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