I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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