I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
