he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is an emotional support booty call
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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