What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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