Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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