That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
