Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
