dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize