I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize