Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere