It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
