he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.