if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it