I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
