Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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