Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
