EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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