Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
