the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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