Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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