Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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