I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
