Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
no, he came in my armpit
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
