she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
