I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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