the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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