I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
