Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
