youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
