OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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