I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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