Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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