so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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