I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
