it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
