I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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