dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
