Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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