Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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