saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
