Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
