You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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