You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
