My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
