you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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