made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are