Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
