I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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