Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
