elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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