I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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