Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
