Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
