Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
