so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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