are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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