Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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